Danielle Walker

It takes a village

Dani’s trials and tribulations package

Trigger warning - suicidal ideation

Anyone who knows me well knows the significant impact mental illness has had on my life. Rarely as a result of my own mental health; but instead experiencing the terror of being a Mother trying to keep her baby who experiences MH issues safe from harm. Many times I’ve considered the psychological thriller I could write about our experiences - and many times I’ve felt so sad that I could even dream of such horrors; let alone having lived them. 

About 11 years ago my beatiful daughter’s normal little world started to unravel. At the age of 12; anxiety, depression, self harm and suicidality crept in seemingly out of nowhere and took hold of her. I would have been 28 at the time. Thankfully suicidality is not a part of my psyche but it is harrowing to live in fear for someone you love. For years I was optimistic and certain we’d find a solution for her and we trucked along engaging every approach and therapy we could think of; sadly to no avail. She still fights to live a normal, enjoyable life. For a decade I have felt terrified of something going horribly wrong every time something knocked her off balance. She is now an adult navigating this complex journey independently and I am proud and eternally grateful that she wakes up every morning to fight, engages strategies she has learnt, tries her best to find what will work for her, her way and keeps moving forwards. I trust great things will come her way. 

I can now really appreciate how complicated it is for those who have diagnosis, comorbidities, symptoms, side effects, sensitivities, dependencies and triggers to navigate the world of mental illness. Attending appointments, wait times, referrals, therapy, education and trying to create healthy habits to elicit positive change. Not to mention the flawed mental health services which too often drop those in need because they didn’t show up, respond, reschedule or comply - Isn’t that literally diagnostic of need?!   ( the bain of my existence). I really feel for those who were dealt a shit hand and have to struggle more than most. 

Just as I was transitioning out of supporting someone else’s mental illness; I got stuck in an ongoing situation at work which has now spanned over two years. Initially it started with stress and panic attacks from the conflict but over time that transformed into anxiety, chronic fatigue, depression, and complete nervous system overload. Despite a hard knock life; this was the first time I had experienced feeling like I was trapped and under constant threat (trivial compared to other traumas, I know). To not be able to hold it together; or shake it off and carry on, to have no control of my life, my job, my wellness, mental health, time and energy. At times I have felt could really relate to Britney Spears under the conservatorship. It’s wrapping up now and although I feel like I’ve lost so much. I am regaining control of my time, energy and health which is most important to me and am approaching it as if I am rebuilding from the ground up. I am grateful to have a beautiful home & community. 

One unexpected change I experienced was the reduction in my ability to focus and concentrate over this time, to not feel like I could sit still, sit quietly with myself, relax, read a book or switch off. It genuinely felt like I was in constant fight or flight (appears I am fight not flight). Which is what lead me to want to participate in the 20 hours challenge! Can I do a hard reset with no distractions? I know what peace feels like and I want to be able to access that again any time I want. 

Wish me luck! 

In order to raise funds for mental health charity 20Talk, I'm going to take on the challenge of sitting in a 2 metre square box for 20 hours with no technology and no talking. This challenge will be a small look into the day of someone struggling with mental health. All I will have is my own thoughts, a journal and a chair to sit on.

Structurally, the statistics are still alarming..

• Suicide still remains the leading cause of death for young people aged 15-44.
• Only 2% of mental health funding goes towards prevention (Mental Health Commission 2022)

Your contribution goes towards 20Talk's relatable prevention campaigns. They are a mental health charity that makes education cool and accessible, for young people by young people.

Your generous donations go towards:

• Every $120 puts a young person through a one day Mental Health Maintenance cours
• Expanding 20Talk's online resources and 60,000+ social media community
• Running large-scale interactive mental health events

By improving mental health literacy, removing harmful stigma, and encouraging professional help-seeking we are preventing people from getting people into crisis in the first place.

If you ever need to chat, I’m always here. Love you all and thanks again!