Mikayla McWhirter

Welcome and thankyou! 🩶

Hey guys, Thankyou so much for coming onto my page! Help me raise funds to support this incredible non profit organisation so they can continue providing free mental health education and resources to young adults up to 30 years old. 

Defying Mental Illness

✨ My Story ✨

A few months ago I heard this one sentence while listening to a podcast that I will never forget - “Don’t hog your journey, it’s not just for you.” …

Honestly, I didn’t think my journey was powerful enough to make any change, but then I thought, what if I’m hogging a story that was meant for someone else to hear?  even if it impacted just 1 person in some way… it’d be worth it right? So here i am, and here It is.

This photo captures the moment I first felt the sun on my skin after 4 days walking into ED as my final option, at 27 years old. My battle l was all consuming I had nothing left, even the idea of fighting for my loved ones sake wasn’t enough to change on my own. 

For the first 4 days, and a total of 7, I was in a strictly monitored ward within the emergency department where I had no outside privileges until this photo. I wasn’t allowed my phone charger, shoe laces, I had to take off my nans necklace, and the most privacy I got was in the bathroom where the shower came out of the wall - yep, just like rinsing off at the beach. I then got moved to another facility for 3 weeks, the shower upgraded to a classy shower curtain hanging from a 30kg weight limit rod, but hey, at least it felt one step closer to normal.

My OCD would repeat the painful inner dialogue as if the sentence never finished. I would stay at work past my finishing time just to avoid getting through another night alone . I gaslit myself and was drowned in shame and anxiety for even feeling this way when I’m privileged. Some days sedation was the only way to get through the day because I was so exhausted fighting them. My head got so loud that it manifested into visions of taking a knife and watching the blood run down my arms until I passed out - I avoided the kitchen when ever I could. I had voices telling me to open the car door at 70km and fall into the truck next to me. Visions of my body would pop up in random places too. the fear of losing people from this illness  triggered so much anxiety and shameful inner dialogue that I’d do anything to make it stop. Id hit my forehead with the heel of my palm trying to make the awful thoughts go away to the point I’d  have bruises and eggs on my forehead. My skin remains scarred, sirens still give me flashbacks and when ever I have a down day I’m terrified of going back to hospital. 

I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was 14. My mum took me to my first therapy session when I was 15. I spent 6 months in bed when I was 17, I’ve hurt myself in attempt to quieten the inner storms, I spent 5 days in hospital after colliding my car with a tree when I was 25, I’ve ‘accidentally’ taken too many sedatives, I’ve been diagnosed with chronic pain at 20 years old resulting from mental illness, I starved myself, id punish myself with exercise, I’d find myself with my head in the toilet bowl from anxiety when out in public, i damaged core relationships who were just showing concern, I thought not caring what happened to me was “a nice relief”, I’d constantly wish I could just melt into the objects around me and just fade away. If today was my last day then, “thank god for that, I’ve done my time”. And the funny thing is, if youve met me, you’d suggest “a bubbly, positive, ray of sunshine.” But sadly, that’s pretty common in those who struggle with their mental health.

Nearly every single person is affected by mental health battles in some way, yet it’s still pretty taboo? What if everyone viewed sharing their mental health journey as courageous instead of weak? What if we viewed going to therapy the same way we view the dentist or mechanic? what could happen if we turned our inner struggles into stories others can relate to and learn from? 

Im turning 29 this year and it’s the first time in my life I can picture the next year ahead of me. I’ve finally let myself dream, I have goals I want to accomplish and a life I finally want to live. I haven’t promised myself there wont be any hard times ahead, but I know that whatever it is, I am strong enough to get through it. 

I'm going to take on the challenge of sitting in a 2 metre square box for 20 hours with no technology and no talking. It’ll just be me, my inner critic “Meredith” (hot tip: it’s more fun with a name) and a journal. This fundraising to me, is an act of defiance against any remaining demons left, and to prove to myself, and to you, that we can come from 4 days of no sunlight, to people who can tackle any challenge life throws their way because, “whatever it may be - we can handle it”.

So please donate, it’d mean the world to me knowing how many people will come together in defiance of mental health illnesses. And again, If you ever need to chat, I’m here for anyone. Love you all and thanks for helping me make a difference xx